The past few weeks have been something very different.. an acquaintance of mine had passed away from suicide and now my roommate from my first year of college only has a few days left to live due to being diagnosed with a rare heart cancer. Apparently, the doctors believe that it’s too late to do anything and that his cancer is unfortunately too rare to handle.
My mind has been heavy with the thought: how come these two genuine people have/had to go through a struggle such as this? I don’t understand. I didn’t know her very well, but I knew enough to know that she doesn’t deserve this. I don’t think anybody does. I also don’t understand: why him? I haven’t talked to him in awhile, but I clearly remember that he always had good intentions. He was very focused on school, and he was always a gentleman to everyone. You’d never think that it would happen to someone like him, but even then it comes to show that life can throw anything at you.
This is the first time in my life that I can recall where death has come to someone outside of my family. My lolo passed away last year, but this one feels a little bit different. Maybe it’s because this type of experience is always going to be different.
I’ve become very observant… really trying to absorb the goodness in life and the absolute beauty in the opportunity to be alive. My two friends have influenced me to remind myself how important it is to be at peace with yourself. That everything that comes my way is a blessing in disguise. The challenges that will come my way is nothing but a stepping stone to my ability to love myself and others. I am becoming more respectful for every stranger that I meet, for everyone has their own story.
I’m currently trying to acknowledge the sad reality that this is all too temporary. Nevertheless, these hard times are a reminder to celebrate the life that we’ve been given.
I’m starting to realize that I’m at the point of my life where I’m starting to see traits of myself that I know will be a part of me as I become more of an adult… and they’re definitely good and bad.
I just can’t seem to find myself taking the initiative in keeping my relationships/friendships in tact. I would like to say it’s because I’m too tired from my 60 hour week load to even communicate with anybody except for the people in my house and my girlfriend. Some people have asked me to grab dinner and every single time I realize that work gets the best of me and I choose to stay home instead. Don’t get me wrong.. I’m ENFP and my extrovert personality definitely needs the company. I definitely am using this to write and self-reflect that I shouldn’t be taking my friendships for granted! After hearing a friend passed away this past week just proved to me that I definitely shouldn’t be.. this includes my adings/kuyas/ates/family
I’ve become more frugal with my money. I hope it’s not a negative trait I’m adapting. Bills just keep layering up and trying to be independent financially while trying to help my parents with their bills is really a big challenge. Although I feel great being able to give back to my family, it’s been difficult to try and manage everything that I have to pay for monthly. It’s disheartening seeing 85% of my paycheck go to bills! But I shouldn’t be complaining. Again, self reflecting right now and I realize that it’s all in due time. Giving myself a total of 4 years to pay off EVERYTHING and that’s when I’ll do some more personal adventures (vacation to a foreign country!)
Even though I’ve been working for hours on end, I have to say that the past 4 months has allowed me to reach new plateaus. Again, I’ve gained experience in proving my work ethic, communication, organization, and teamwork. I’ve been so focused with work that in retrospect, I’ve set my mind subconsciously into taking notes with regards to the behaviors of my directors: their behavior, their mentality, and their skills in decision making. I’m trying to absorb as much as I can. I’m now hoping to get my MBA in a few years and I believe that I can lead my own group later down the road. Only time will tell. At least my mind’s out in the open.
I ain’t tripping though, just thinking.
from now on, whenever anybody doubts marvel casting ill just show them this
It’s 1am so I’m sorry for the people who won’t see this. But if you want confidence and don’t know how to get it, a really good way is to be confident in other people. When you walk into Starbucks, think, “damn, that barista’s hair is da bomb!” Or when you go to school, think, “my teacher is rocking that skirt!” When you start seeing everyone as being beautiful, at some point you realize that you’re everyone too.
i went to look up coup de foudre (“love at first sight”) but i fucked up
i fucked up so much
i didn’t know it was possible to fuck it up this much